The Pain of Hope

13dpiui

In the midst of worrying about the move and quitting my job and finding a new place to live, I’d done a very good job of not worrying about this IUI cycle.

Until last Friday.

Feeling….well, pregnant, thanks to the progesterone, I tested at 10dpiui (11 days past trigger) and it was positive.

Initially I was a bit freaked out as here I am moving and taking on a new job as is hubby who would then have to quit his job to stay home with the baby.  But then, I realized that it meant that (1) we wouldn’t have to pay for IVF, (2) we wouldn’t have to go through IVF and (3) we’d have a baby so what the hell was I whining about???

I tested on Saturday – 11dpiui on a cheaper test and it was positive (but lighter).

I tested Sunday morning with the same cheaper test and it was positive but slightly lighter still.

Because I was then out of progesterone and didn’t want to have to go into the city for more if I didn’t need them, I tested again – this time with a digital and with a FRER.  The digital was positive.  The FRER was negative.

I got the progesterone (although I didn’t because they left the wrong amount and my insurance won’t cover it so I nabbed one from my good friend PeeSticksandStones).

Today I went in for my first ever “I’m not really sure what the result is” beta.  And it was negative.

So now I wait for my period.

And I figure out when to go pick up my load of IVF medication.

And I worry about how I’m going to deal with moving on the day of my beta (possibly with the generous help of friends who are then going to be staying with us for a few days) should it be negative. And I worry about how I’m going to work in an office with a dedicated playroom for the owners’ young children.

And I worry about what comes next.  If anything….