Posted by: perchancetodream | June 2, 2008

The Pain of Hope


In the midst of worrying about the move and quitting my job and finding a new place to live, I’d done a very good job of not worrying about this IUI cycle.

Until last Friday.

Feeling….well, pregnant, thanks to the progesterone, I tested at 10dpiui (11 days past trigger) and it was positive.

Initially I was a bit freaked out as here I am moving and taking on a new job as is hubby who would then have to quit his job to stay home with the baby.  But then, I realized that it meant that (1) we wouldn’t have to pay for IVF, (2) we wouldn’t have to go through IVF and (3) we’d have a baby so what the hell was I whining about???

I tested on Saturday – 11dpiui on a cheaper test and it was positive (but lighter).

I tested Sunday morning with the same cheaper test and it was positive but slightly lighter still.

Because I was then out of progesterone and didn’t want to have to go into the city for more if I didn’t need them, I tested again – this time with a digital and with a FRER.  The digital was positive.  The FRER was negative.

I got the progesterone (although I didn’t because they left the wrong amount and my insurance won’t cover it so I nabbed one from my good friend PeeSticksandStones).

Today I went in for my first ever “I’m not really sure what the result is” beta.  And it was negative.

So now I wait for my period.

And I figure out when to go pick up my load of IVF medication.

And I worry about how I’m going to deal with moving on the day of my beta (possibly with the generous help of friends who are then going to be staying with us for a few days) should it be negative. And I worry about how I’m going to work in an office with a dedicated playroom for the owners’ young children.

And I worry about what comes next.  If anything….



  1. I am so sorry it was negative.

  2. sorry for the roller coaster ride and that you came up short this time. just wish it was all a bit easier.

  3. So sorry for the BFN. So, so sorry.

  4. Well, that does suck. I got some pretty good advice about not using HPTs (tho I do) until period is expected OR rbrn later . Saves lots of confusion and heartbreak. I’m so sorry, That would NO DOUBT send me into a spin.

    My natural progesterone while it makes me feel better overall DOES send me mixed signals and false hope.

    As for BIG moves and such. I am right there with you dear. I am surprised I am having any kind of cycle at all this month.

  5. Sucky. I’m sorry. Hope is a real jerk.

  6. Oh, that really sucks. I’m so sorry!

  7. This really, really sucks. I’m so sorry. Sending you virtual hugs.

  8. hi
    I’m here from NaComLeavCom
    I am sorry the cycle was bust.I hope IVF is successful.
    I wish I had something more comforting to say.

    My Little Drummer boys
    warm regards

  9. Oh I’m so sorry.

    I understand. I truly do.



  10. oh what a mean trick this cycle played on you. So sorry to hear that.

    Here from NaComLeavMo

  11. stupid hope. I’m sorry for all those positives making you crazy and hopeful. 😦

    take care and good luck w/ iVF. I’ll be starting IVF soon too.

    (here from NCLM)

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