Posted by: perchancetodream | November 12, 2009

All The Balls in the Air

First off, welcome to my new layout………tackling this was pretty high on my list once I returned from my work conference.

Which I  survived.  Barely. A week of 18-hour workdays – not getting more than 5 hours of sleep any night for 7 nights. A completely freak-out by my boss directed at me, a guest speaker who just happened to be an RE (not why we asked him to speak) who talked about having to tell women that their IVFs have failed.

I couldn’t help but think about the last conference I went to, two years ago.  The morning of the day I left I woke up with a sharp pain that took my breath away. I’d started bleeding.  I was 9 weeks pregnant with our only pregnancy. I had a D&C upon my return.

I am grateful that our speakers last year never veered towards the topics of fertility or reproduction. Even this year, all I could think of was “Hmmm…wonder if he’d perform an IVF on me.” Forget that we live in different countries and that I’m 44 and that we’re mired in adoption paperwork.

I got through the convention due to having friends who are also co-workers, a determination to see more than the inside of my hotel room, and the promise of a 1/2 day at the spa – compliments of hubby.  Not to mention my determination to keep my job which affords me a reasonable salary, an absurd amount of vacation/sick time, far better than average benefits, and the chance to work from home (i.e., wherever hubby and I decide to finally land).

And now I’m back.  And the mountain of paperwork on my desk is threatening to take over.  I’m off this week but back into work next week and looking at two pretty crazy weeks of catching up on all of the work that has fallen by the wayside during convention prep and work that was generated by the convention itself.

So this week is dedicated to catching up on sleep, real life, and…adoption paperwork.

We have already submitted our I-800A to Homeland Security.  And now we wait for our application to be reviewed so that we will be assigned appointments for our biometric fingerprints.

We’re going next week to get our FBI fingerprint cards (why oh why can’t the FBI accept digital fingerprints??? I don’t get it) so that we can request our own records for submission with our dossier.

Tomorrow, I will print off a bunch of our completed paperwork.  Just to have it done.  There is so much hurry-up-and-wait involved in this that you have to take control over the few things that you have.

Then the doctors forms, the special needs forms (where you have to decide which SN you are willing/able to accept), the photos of our lives (but not, apparently, our friendly and wonderful pets as pets are considered a luxury in Bulgaria and we don’t want to seem as though we’re “bragging” (so says Earth Mother from our agency). I get that but at the same time, I’m terrified of ending up with a child who with a known allergy to dogs/cats or one who is terrified of them).

There are days where it feels like we’re getting close to really doing this.  And days when it feels like we might just age out of the whole thing.  International adoption laws change all of the time.  There is so much hope for the Bulgarian program but I’ve only seen the referrals of a few special needs kids so far.  Even prospective parents who have been referred a SN kid that they’ve requested are still waiting.  I’m constantly balancing my desire for hubby and I to finally have our family with my worries over things like “What will happen when I have to go out of town for work for a week and there is no one to stay home with out child?”.  Talk about jumping the gun, right? In some ways, I relish the reliability of IF treatments – take this shot on this day, come back at 8am.  I thought it was frightening and unpredictable but this is actually worse.

But I’m looking forward to a new year, a year in which we’ll be officially registered (hopefully within the first quarter), a year in which we can look at the videos and photos and reports that Earth Mother forwards and really look to see if our child is there. A year without so much bureaucracy, where hubby and I can spend more time focusing on each other, our other goals, some travel.  It sounds nice and new and fresh.  I’m looking forward to it.



  1. so exciting!! I’m looking forward to reading about all of this. & your new layout is beautiful and totally seems to capture the mood of this post.

  2. Oo, very exciting indeed! I love love love the new layout as well, and your header is fab.

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