Posted by: perchancetodream | October 23, 2009


Somewhere there is a manual for hair stylists that says “Make sure to ask your female clients if they have children within the first five minutes of them sitting down in your chair.”  I’ve never had a female stylist NOT do this and Wednesday when, with more than a bit of trepidation, I tried a new salon who were running a great color/cut special, wouldn’t you know it happened again.

Now said stylist will probably not become my new steady.  Aside from her somehow determining that when I said (and showed her the swatch) that I want to stay in the red pallet that I meant PINK  (I’m still waiting to see if I can get enough of the tint out to show up to my work convention and NOT get fired or if I have to go have it “neutralized”), and aside from the fact that she’s one of those stylists that pulls your hair so hard that it aches for days, I REALLY hate the “kids” question.

Now that we’re on the path – or close to it – to adoption, the question doesn’t hurt the way it used to.  And I’m happy to openly discuss our plans to adoption, which makes it easier.  But in honesty, there is a tiny part of me that almost rejoices in trying to give an answer that might make the person asking the question ever so uncomfortable.  Maybe they’ll think next time before they ask something that might be so personal and delicate.

In the past, I’ve had stylists who responded to my squeaked out “No, I don’t have kids” with a further question: “Why, don’t you want them?” And I wimped out of  being completed honest and always gave some fumbled sort of  “No, we’ve been trying” type of answer when I’ve really wanted to give them the whole painful story just so that they get a clue and learn that next time, it might not be the way to approach things.

The flip side of this is my new endocrinologist.  I had no problem telling him about our infertility woes because it turns out that my thyroid issue might be the cause of it all in the first place (and there is a special place in purgatory for all of the doctors that I BEGGED to look into what I was sure were thyroid issues, who told me not to worry about it). But he is now convinced that he is giving me the magic baby pill. Even though I keep telling him that at 44 I’ve had to let go of my dreams of a biological child with or without a thyroid wonder drug.

But he doesn’t want to hear that. When I called to get the results from my first round of bloodwork since I started taking these, the nurse said that my results were now “perfect” and “oh, the doctor said to let us know if you get pregnant so that we can alter your meds.” Yes, miracles do happen.  But at this point, my idea of a miracle is heading to my convention without pink hair and finding out that we’ve sent all of the proper (signed this time) paperwork to USCIS!



  1. Oh, yeah! That’s the worst! Sorry you have to go through that, but know you’re not alone! What’s worse is that sometimes my co-workers (many of whom know we’re TTC) will sometimes ask if we’re still trying! ha! What kind of question is that? Either way I answer, it still brings up a painful subject! ugh! People drive me crazy, sometimes! lol

    I hope all the red tape and paperwork goes smoothly from here on out so you can get that little one in your arms ASAP!

  2. Good luck with your paperwork and your adoption journey. I hope you are able to get the pink out of your hair.

  3. I hate the fact that hairstylists talk at all. Just cut it and move on. The children question is just so painful….

    I’m glad your doctor thinks that your thyroid treatment it magically, but sometimes their blind faith, while nice, is as painful as the “when are you having kids” question from the hairstylist.

  4. Oh yes, I understand!! My sister-in-law had cut and coloured my hair for years and then she decided she wasn’t going to be a hairdresser anymore and yes, since then I have never had a hairdresser who didn’t ask the dreaded question. I have been so keen to avoid it (as well as a pink hair incident) – I haven’t had a hair cut for a year and I have been colouring it myself.

    Good luck on the adoption journey – hopefully it will be smooth sailing for you!

    Happy ICLW!!

  5. You are so right, they always ask right away! The last time I got my hair cut was before our son was born (and yeah, that means it’s been about 6 months…oops), and when the hairdresser asked, I said, “Not yet, but we’re adopting,” and whipped out some of our networking adoption “business” cards (since we did a domestic open adoption), and asked her if she could share them with her clients, just in case. She seemed a little taken aback (this was my first appt w/ her!), but agreed, and we ended up discussing how open adoption works for the rest of the session, which was much better than my usual, sad & awkward, “Not yet…”

    What I really hated though was when people who knew we didn’t have kids would ask, “Do you want kids?” Now, what kind of question is that? I mean, either we didn’t want them, and that’s a personal choice that we didn’t really want to discuss with random friend-of-a-friend, or we DID want them and were trying but clearly it hadn’t worked yet, so that’s obviously a painful subject to bring up! I think people just don’t think before they speak…how I wish they would!

  6. sorry about the pink, mine worst was cabernet purple the day before i met dh’s entire family.

    i use the attack when i get the kid question. i have heard it for years and i am so sick of it. so sick in fact that i may continue to use it once we have the kid. i have shamed people at parties, in private, and anywhere else they dare to ask me the one question that makes my head spin around.

    i really hope that you get the thyroid issue worked out. it is amazing that such a tiny gland can cause such huge problems.


  7. I am pretty sure that the hairstylist manual is FULL of questions that I have no interest discussing with a stranger who has me captive for an hour or more. I have finally found a stylist I want to stick with, but I would avoid haircuts and highlights for a while because of awkward conversation topics (and the fear that my hair would come out pink or worse!). I hope you are able to fix the hair with a minimum of fuss.


  8. Argh, the “do you have kids” question. At least as an (almost) newly single person, maybe I will avoid the question. I’ll let you know.

    I also have thyroid issues, and I value the doctors I have had who have taken me SERIOUSLY about it so much. Good luck with that, for your quality of life.


  9. I’ve never been asked that question at the hairdressers, but then I’ve only had my hair cut once in the US. Maybe it’s not a question that’s made it into the British hairdressers’ manual yet? I do wish they wouldn’t talk so much though. I’d love to find a hairdresser who stayed quiet the whole time. There must be one out there somewhere, surely?!

    Good luck with the adoption!

  10. I put you up for an Honest Scrap Award–for more info, swing by my blog at Thanks for the great posts & comments!

  11. It’s so true, every stylist I’ve had since I’ve been married always asks if I have kids! They must all get trained the same in beauty school on how to make small talk.

    I have hypothyroidism, I was lucky to get diagnosed when I was 19. I take synthyroid religiously and still have unexplained IF.

    Good luck with the adoption!


  12. Hairdressers always ask the most personal questions, even if you’ve never met them. I don’t want conversation just cut my hair and shut up.

    I hope the pinkness goes away. GL


  13. ICLW

    Hairdressers and bartenders – confessional time for some people. This is a great post. That’s the reason why my social life dwindled when we were ttc for 6 frigging years. Every new woman i met asked that question and I was so tired of listening to, well, you should try this cream or not eat tomatoes or whatever. Cause I’d done it all by that point. Having said that, when we started adopting procedures, that seemed to make everyone feel better. 2 years into it, I started to avoid that question cause it lead to did you try ABC agency in Whatever town, USA? Can’t seem to avoid it, but I got pretty good at just saying, no, say how about them Canucks?

    I hope that your hair issues get resolved and you get the thyroid of your dreams.

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