Posted by: perchancetodream | August 7, 2009

Well THAT Was Easy

Over the past week we’ve pretty much plowed through a bunch of our last requirements for our home study.  Last week we went to get our local clearances (and had a hysterical encounter with a young lad, trying to pull a report on the mother of his baby without knowing her birthday or social – or one might even guess, her last name) and then to get our state/federal fingerprints.

And yesterday was our home visit.  The lead up to the visit was, frankly, a pain in the ass.  I did some preliminary cleaning on Wednesday and decided to make cookies after hubby suggested that I make something that I like so that I’d have the leftovers (after all, carbs don’t count when you’ve made them for someone else right?).  So I found a lemon cookie recipe and I made the dough and then realized that I had no parchment paper.  I ran to the store, popped them into the oven for the required 15 minutes and….the bottoms were burnt.  I put batch 2 in for 10 minutes and the same thing happened.  I ended up with about 10 edible cookies and a bunch that I cut the bottoms off of before deciding that while I could eat them, I couldn’t serve them.  Ah well….

Yesterday was a juggling routine of “working from home” while cleaning the house.  Scrubbing counters while on conference calls, etc.  And hubby could never understand why I insisted on getting phones with headset plugs! 🙂

I set the coffee pot up and waited.  Hubby came home early from work.  SW showed up on time.  She came in and took a dismaying look at our animals (1 golden retriever, 2 cats) and told us that she was severely allergic to cats.  So we did a quick walkthrough and by quick I mean “Oh look, there’s a bathroom” and then went to talk on the deck.

Not once did she ask about outlet covers, where we kept our medicine, our low and exposed bar, the fireplace tools that are at the right height for a toddler to spear themselves on.

Throughout the conversation only one issue came up.  Apparently USCIS (the US agency that needs to approve our international adoption) has gotten really picky about the wording on home studies and are holding parents to only accepting children who match the exact wording of the home study.

And here we get a little stuck.  Hubby and I have always had our hearts set on having a daughter.  Obviously, had we gotten pregnant we were 100% in the “so long as it’s healthy” court.  But with adoption you have a choice.  In fact you’re kind of forced to make a choice.  We could say “either”.  But in all likelihood this is the only time we’re going to do this.  I think that hubby would be MUCH better with a daughter.  Different parts of me yearn for each gender.  SW had “either” on our home study because hubby had a sudden change of heart during our first meeting with her.  But I know that there are many more boys available from Bulgaria than girls.  “Either” is really going to end up being a boy.

Our other issue is with sibling groups.  Domestic adoption allows for the option of changing your mind at the last minute and taking a sibling group.  Hubby said, during our initial meeting that he’d be willing to do this.  I was shocked as we’d never discussed it.  I’m of 2 minds on this.  First, neither of us has ever had kids and we’re far from anything resembling a nearby support system of friends or family. This is all going to be a learning experience and we’d probably be best suited to raising a single child.  Also, hubby is still hoping that he can stay home with the child and I’ll be the sole financial support.  One child seems safest.

But…..I’d be lying if part of me wasn’t yearning for the idea of siblings.  I suspect that one child will make me want another.  But I don’t see us going through the adoption thing again (I’ll be 44 next week and while a lot of older people DO adopt….I don’t think we will) and we’ve pretty much bungled up the “have sex/get pregnant” method. So what better to do than to adopt siblings?

Thankfully SW is on vacation next week.  I’ve written an “urgent” email to Earth Mother at the placing agency asking her advice. I think though, we’re going to be forced to declare upfront “single, girl” and that’s what we’ll get.

At least now, I see that the homestudy will be approved. And we’re one step closer on this long path.



  1. Hooray for homestudy!

  2. It’s all so complicated isn’t it. I’ve been thinking more about gender preference too. Especially after reading this post –

    We were set on one child, a girl. But now I’m thinking maybe two kids, a boy then a girl. I really wish we didn’t have a choice.

  3. Thanks SassyCupcakes. That was an interesting article. I totally know what you mean about wishing you didn’t have a choice. I feel the same way….

  4. As the mother of twins, I think that two at once is kind of fun, and easier in some ways than just having one kid.

  5. What a fascinating perspective. All of the nuances and illusion of having to “choose” when you still feel like in some ways you don’t have a choice (due to time or financial restrictions etc.). What a pickle.

    Also, I cannot believe there’s a social worker who does “home studies” and is allergic to animals!! How funny.

    Here from blogger bingo and so excited to have found you on the verge of this new journey!!

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