Posted by: perchancetodream | July 6, 2009

Into the Mouth of the Dragon

I had some vacation hours that we expiring and it was time to meet one-on-one with our social worker, so I took off early on the 2nd and, with much trepidation, set forth to the meeting.  As I’ve written, our social worker has been odd so far – a little put off by the amount of work that our home study was going to take (with my having lived in six states since I turned 18 and hubby being a UK citizen) and was being a tad negative to the point of her calling me and asking if we shouldn’t part ways.  Normally, I would have jumped at that – I mean, if you don’t want to work with us you probably aren’t the right person to champion our adoption.

But we’re here in the South. Where most of the agencies rely heavily on religion and that wasn’t what we wanted (and they wouldn’t have wanted us).  So we stuck it out.

And I have to say that the meeting really wasn’t that bad.  I’d already given her my 10-page “personal profile” and it ended up that she was basically just filling in some blanks.  Yes, we had a low-key debate about the role that birth culture should play in the life of an adopted child (for the record, hubby and I are completely in synch on this issue – if we end up adopting an older child, although that isn’t what we’re requesting – we completely understand why we’d need to make Bulgarian food, music, holidays a part of our lives.  But, if, as expected we adopt a 3 year-old who has barely been out of the orphanage….well, we already have US and UK, Jewish and not to deal with.  Of course, we’d help the child explore whatever questions they have but we aren’t going to start celebrating random holidays that the child probably won’t even recognize).  Anyhow….that one was expected.

We also had a chat about birth parents.  Our SW is used to doing domestic adoptions.  And the movement in domestic adoptions is towards adoptions that are open to one extent or another – ranging from the annual letter/photos to a total integration of families.  International adoptions tend to be different.  Language and physical distances AND the fact that the child has, in most cases, been in an institution since birth changes the concept.  We’d be more than willing to assist our child in finding their birth parents if they decided that it was something they needed to do.  Will we seek them out on our own.  No.  While we’d love to get more detailed medical records, it’s doubtful that the family would have (or share) them anyhow.  Others have made other choices as is their right.  But I don’t think that we’re going to rush to have coffee with the birth parents just to do it.

While SW and I had a little debate on these issues, it stayed friendly and positive. I left with a smile on my face and was very relieved.  Hubby is next, and the house visit and we still have to get our local clearance and fingerprints (and finish our online courses) but we’re getting there!

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Responses

  1. sounds like it went well. phew!
    do you have any timelines?

  2. Hi there! I’ve been reading along — but quiet — I’m so relieved as well to hear that things are opening up a bit with SW…this is such a powerful process and it would be nice to have the open advocacy without struggle…I just wanted you to know that I”m here and reading.

    XO

    Pam

  3. Time expiring already? You just went back!

    I’m so glad this visit went well for you. And…I’m *so* proud of you. This is such an amazing journey. I hope I can follow for ever and ever. I have such good ju ju about this for you!


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