Posted by: perchancetodream | May 27, 2009

House of Cards

Not in all the time we were trying to get pregnant did I have a panic attack; not when I miscarried, not when Dr. Ambitious prescribed wild amounts of meds; never.  I’m thankfully not prone to them anyhow, preferring to attack a problem and find a way to solve it rather than let it incapacitate me.

Yesterday though, I was blind-sided.

I’ve been on the fence about how to think about the home study.  Is it, as hubby thinks, a process of us hiring someone to get all the facts sorted and together and pretty much a “done deal”?  Or, as I’d been thinking, is it a team effort to get the most accurate picture of who we are and navigate the bureaucratic necessities together?

Now I’m wondering if it isn’t us facing an adversary and trying to prove our worth.

There are issues that I’ve run by our placing agency (who in turn ran them by their lawyers in Bulgaria) that shouldn’t be a problem.  In fact, neither the placing agency nor the Bulgarian Ministry of Justice, considers them issues.  We’ve both been married before and hubby has a 10 year-old DUI on his otherwise squeaky clean record.  I’ve seen adoptions go through to people who have been incarcerated; people who have been in long-term psychological care; people who are living just above the poverty line.

But for some reason our Social Worker is stressed out about all of this.  Hubby surmises, and I’m inclined to agree, that it’s because we’ll mean more work for her than the usual homestudy.  That hubby is a UK citizen and I’ve lived in 6 states since turning 18 creates a veritable mountain of paperwork. Honestly, if we could do all of this without her, we’d get it done in half the time.

She’s been asking us for a lot of stuff that we’ve already given her.  Both hubby and I, organized sorts that we are – are bugged by this.  If we’ve gone through the hassle of compiling info for you, you should go through the hassle of looking in your files for it.

Also, what forms and information are available in the US don’t always match up with what is available in the UK.  People here have a sense of entitlement – I’m asking for something from a government office and I should damn well get it – than people in the UK.  Just because WE need it doesn’t mean that THEY’LL provide it.  And SW doesn’t want to hear that.

She called yesterday saying that she thought that some of my emails had been defensive.  That she didn’t want to get 3/4 of the way through our study and then deny us.  WHAT?  There are no reasons for hubby and I not to be approved. Except that she doesn’t want to put this much work in.  She offered us a refund if we wanted to go with another agency.

And honestly, I can’t say that I haven’t considered it.  But here in our little area of the South, it’s hard to find a SW who isn’t connected to a heavily-Christian agency.  And that won’t work for us.  We need to plow ahead and how that SW gets over her own personal issues and does her job.  But it’s scary.  For the first time, I’m worried about this working out.  I was prepared for the wait, the money, the paperwork and the catch-up that we’ll need to do with a child who has spent years in an orphanage.  I wasn’t prepared for this.



  1. We have dingbat SW. I regret the day I hired her. Mr H and I are also very organized and she drove us to distraction. I realize it would be a delay but I would switch!! I know Iowa has a list of approved adoption investigators on the state government website. Maybe your state does too?

    Sorry for the frustrations….Best of luck to you!

  2. ugh. what a mess. sorry you have to deal with all that. I am hoping a reasoned conversation with her will give you the comfort level you need moving forward.

    not sure if you’re asking for assvice, but if you are… I’d ask her what makes her think you could be denied — i.e, that you realize there may be some extra work involved, but that you don’t think there is any reason why your home study shouldn’t be approved by the agency. I also might gently explain that you feel a bit put off by her suggestion that you might want to begin the process over with another agency. is there another SW at the agency? if so, you could ask if she’d be more comfortable having another SW complete your home study.

    hope this all gets resolved soon! how frustrating. good luck.

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