Posted by: perchancetodream | March 30, 2009

Hitting the Nail on the Head

For some reason this post was saved only as a draft, on February 27, 2009…..thought I’d post it anyhow…..

Lassie’s comment yesterday gave a voice to something that has been running in circles through my head.  She wrote “I’ve always found international adoption interesting because your child is probably over there right now waiting for you. Wow.” Yes….wow…..The time-frame given for Bulgaria is somewhere around 18-36 months depending on who you talk to. That’s upon submission of your dossier which includes the home study. Which we haven’t started yet because we haven’t chosen an agency and there seems to be a huge debate between whether the home study agency needs to be Hague accredited.

But let me get to that in a minute.

When I look at the large timeline, it looks like we could get a child who was born around the time that our child would have been born had the pregnancy worked out.  That ties my mind and my heart in knots.  I can’t even say if it’s good or bad.  It just is.

Our child could possibly be out there.  And we don’t even know her.  It’s a very, very strange feeling.

The process of adoption in Bulgaria is that once you get a referral of a child, both parents travel to Bulgaria and spend 5 days with the child.  At the end of that time you accept (or reject) the referral.  You go home.  Three to Five months later you’re cleared to go back and get the child and you go through all of the Visa/Immigration issues at that point.  That 3-5 month period must be excruciating.  Knowing that your child is in an orphanage half-way across the world. Obviously parents get through it and probably like the pain of childbirth, the memory of it dulls over time. But at the time it must be almost unbearable.

Back to the nuts and bolts – In a nutshell, the Hague Accreditation is “an international treaty created to ensure that inter-country adoptions are in the best interests of children and to prevent abduction, exploitation, sale, or trafficking of children.”  An adoption agency must be certified to work in Bulgaria.  There are currently no certified agencies in out state that I really want to work with.  One is prohibitively far away and the other is probably prohibitively faith-based.  Most of the agencies I’ve been in contact with have relationships with various agencies here that can do home studies for them.  A few though are insisting that the home study be completed by a Hague certified in-state agency (I’ve refrained from saying “If I wanted to work with another agency and they were appropriately certified, I would.  I contacted your agency because I want to work with YOU!”).

So the research continues.  I’m the queen of spreadsheets but even that isn’t helping me.

I did find out today that there is a chance for something potentially very good to come our way. This has nothing to do with having a child although it will affect our lifestyle and could aid in the process down the road.  I don’t want to jinx it at the moment and if it comes through I’m going to really have to do some quick soul-searching to make a definitive decision although really, it’s already been made. But if you wouldn’t mind keeping your fingers crossed for us, hubby and I would greatly appreciate it.



  1. 5 days with your child, then 3-5 months away from your child sounds almost unbearable. A friend of mine is getting ready to travel to Russia soon- its been 3 months since they have seen the little girl they hope to adopt. I’ve sat with my friend and listened as she shared her thoughts about feeling powerless while her little girl was in an orphanage around the world. Probably one of the most difficult things to endure, but I bet you are right, time will probably dull the pain of the memories.

    Keeping my fingers crossed that the good thing happened yesterday.

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