Posted by: perchancetodream | March 26, 2009

The Plateaux Of Mirror

I’ve felt lately like someone wearing bifocals.  If I look one way, I can see things up close and if I look another, I can see into the future.

The future view is the one that interests me the most.  I can see this spectoral little girl, playing in the yard with hubby and our dog and laughing.  She’s wearing a pink nightgown and she has long dark hair streaming down her back.  I’m inside, looking out. Just watching them.  Hubby catches my eye and beckons me out.  I step out onto the deck and she runs to me, a bouquet of wildflowers in her hand (in this vision, I’m never quite able to see her face). Hubby comes over for a family hug as the dog tries to join in.

I’m not quite sure where we’re living in this vision.  I sometimes have dreams in which we’re living in our current rental which is the least likely thing to happen. I’m not sure where or if either of us are working although our debt is paid off which (major crises aside) it will be by the time we adopt. But there is contentment and that makes me unworried about the details.

Then I look at the “close” part of the picture.  I was correct that our tax person had made a mistake.  He then made another one this morning but sent me a correction that basically means that, after paying him, we’ll have enough left over for dinner at our favorite local restaurant.  I’m thrilled with that.  At much as I’d like to be getting money back, my goal has been to break even. Dinner out will be the perk.

My excitement about having the complicated part of the home study sorted was short-lived though.  Today we booked our appointment with the Social Worker.  I asked if we should bring anything.  She listed the usual documents.  Then said something like “I need clearances from the states you’ve lived in since you each were 18 and I have the list you gave me.”

Actually, she has the list for the past 5 years.  Which is what she’s asked for previously.  Going back to 18 brings me up to having lived in SIX states.  For hubby, this is worse as he was in the military. And we’ve no idea how to proceed there. I’ve written her and haven’t heard back.  Perhaps she was busy or still hasn’t gotten up from the shock or knocked herself our by shaking her head as she wondered why she ever agreed to take us on as clients.

The long-range view looks much, much better.  If I could draw, I would draw it.  For now I just need close my eyes and remind myself why we’re going through all of this.



  1. the clearances won’t be as hard as you imagine. Just time consumeing. Get your list and call the police station for each town you lived in and ask how to do hte local criminal history check given that you are no longer a resident. Each place will likely have a different fee/procedure, but most you can do by phone. Many of the statewide clearances can be done online–but many must be done by the social worker, so you’ll be off the hook. Usually CPS clearnances have to be done by the social worker too. Shame on her for not guiding you thorugh it.

  2. Our social worker was less than detailed when giving us instructions on paperwork needed too. She kept assuming we knew what her vague references to forms was. In the end, we misunderstood something and it delayed our home study completion by a few months. When you meet with her, pick her brain shamelessly. I wish I had done that.

    And FWIW, I had the same daydreams that you do and sometimes, quite often really, like on a sunny afternoon walk to the park with the stroller, I realize I’m living my dream. Its an extraordinary feeling that you will feel too. Keep dreaming, it makes it that much sweeter when it comes true.

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