Posted by: perchancetodream | March 25, 2009

Baby Steps

I’m learning that while assisted reproduction was filled with big steps: The beginning of stims, trigger shots, retreivals, inseminations, and transfers, the path to adoption is made up of baby steps so small you aren’t even sure if you’re moving or not.

We have , by default, chosen a home study agency.  In part this was by choice – there are certain extreme religious leanings here in the South that I desperately wanted to avoid for a bucket  load of reasons.  And so I had my sites set on one particular agency whose fees and structure were thankfully, in line with everyone else’s.  The social worker I’ve been e-mailing with,  (who I haven’t found a psudonym for yet) was supportive without being ridiculous (I had one SW write me about how many of her clients think that the home study will be difficult but they end up thinking that it’s “fun”.  Now I KNOW people who have adopted and not one of them has used the word “fun” in connection to a home study!), and basically took charge of the most difficult (I hope!) step in our adoption journey.  Without a signed contact or any money changing hands.  She’s just dug in and untied the knots for us.  And I’ll forever hold her in esteme for that – it truly makes me feel like we’ve made the correct choice.

The knots, by the way, are nothing drastic or highly unusual.  Hubby is a UK citizen.  Up until the end of summer in 2005, I lived in the UK too. Part of the requirements for adopting from Bulgaria is that we’re meant to get clearances from everyplace we’ve lived in the past 5 years, testifying to the fact that we have no history of child abuse.  That’s fine except that the UK, unlike the US and many other countries, doesn’t keep a public registry of child abusers.

At first we thought that this meant that we needed to get our police records (basically saying that we lived there and hadn’t been arrested). Hubby has his from his immigration.  THAT gets complicated because the UK wants you to walk into your local precinct and request the report so that they can verify your identity.

Our SW began to make inquiries.  I emailed the four placement agencies we’re considering working with.  We received four different answers.

I wrote the US and UK embassies in Bulgaria.  I’d expected it to take ages to get answers as it had during hubby’s immigration.  But I heard back from both in less than 24 hours.  Neither knew the answer but the US embassy sent us a list of emails.  The SW and I each took one. And she got an answer.  From a real person who gave us his name and direct phone number.  Who then answered additional questions. (If you’ve EVER legally immigrated you’ll realize how different this is, I’m truly amazed).

The upshot is that the UK doesn’t have such a registry.  This can be stated on our home study papers.  The legal requirement does not ask for police reports.  Therefore we don’t need to furnish them (although we might offer them hubby’s unless SW things that this will just remind them that we don’t have one on me).

We haven’t signed anything yet or spent even one dime.  But we have support and answers.

One other potential complication reared it’s head last night as well.  I heard from our tax preparer and the news was NOT good.  According to him the amount we spent last year for infertility wasn’t enough to outdo the standard deduction.  The upshot:  we owed a LOT of money.  Enough to possibly delay the adoption plans.

This morning, I looked over his paperwork and found a large mistake.  I’m waiting for confirmation from him that I did in fact catch something that will mean that we’re getting a small amount back.

So far, today is not a bad day! 🙂



  1. I’m sure the homes study for adoption is 1000X more invasive than that for a foster care license; but if you’re as organized as I was and as I believe you are, you’ll have everything lined out and be prepared for everything they throw at you. Which doesn’t make it fun, but is definitely good for the self esteem.

    I’m happy that progress is being made, and that you’ve made mole hills out of these mountains. Hopefully, this will also apply to the tax ‘error.’

    Thank you for reminding me that I still need to get my taxes filed. I meant to email our accountant today!

  2. Hooray for catching the mistake! I hope it brings you good news…I can’t believe all the paperwork required — but I’m sure it will have its own rhythm — one step after another — taking you to the ultimate result — which his SOOO exciting.

    G is an immigrant, though he came as a baby I always forget he couldn’t be president 🙂



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