Posted by: perchancetodream | March 12, 2009

When the War is Over

Thanks to all who have sent good wishes on the job change.

I would now literally pay someone to go give notice for me.  I’m terrified. What’s funny is I’m not the type to really shy away from conflict.  But Mr. Company Owner takes things personally and can get in your face about things.  I doubt that he’ll have a professional reaction to it which is, after all, one of the reasons I’m leaving.  I’ve heard stories of people who have quit and who he has told to leave that day, etc….I know that he can’t do that with me as I’m working on a MAJOR project the won’t be completed until at least the end of the month.  But stranger things have happened.

Anyhow, my nerves are only increased by the fact that no one ever knows Mr. and Mrs. Company Owner’s schedules.  They may not even be in tomorrow.  In reality, I’m contractually obligated to give a month’s notice, which means I have another week and a half before I HAVE to tell them.  But it’s been weighing on my mind so much and I’m tired of having co-workers talk about my roll in long-term projects and not being able to respond.

I just want it to be over.

I look at my growing things to do list and I can barely see my way out.

The parent company of my new/old employeers are insisting that I have a laptop (that they’re purchasing). And hubby and I have a lovely office (now that it is unlikely to be a baby’s room – even if we adopt, we probably won’t be living in the same rental) but not a lot of desk space.  And I have my PC.  And I’ll need a home phone.  And I’ve no idea how I’m going to find room for it all (not to mention the fact that if you read the reviews, ALL cordless phones are horrible so how am I meant to buy one?).

And then there is the adoption stuff.  I need to dive back into it 100%.  I need to get a home study scheduled.  Perhaps it’s the realization that, come May, I’ll have a lot more time in my shedule for research and forms and meetings that has me delaying it.  Perhaps my brain is just too full.  Lately, it’s hard for me to figure out what day of the week it is.  I get home from work at 6.30, make dinner, watch some TV and fall asleep.

I know this will all change in May but my patience has run out.  I want this stress to go away.  I want to get back to working for a rational boss and with co-workers who  (1) are focused on work rather than playing with the kids in the office and watching YouTube or (2) don’t work 12 hour work days for less than industry rates because they’re afraid to do anything else or don’t really know better. I want real office hours and the ability to take a sick day if I’m actually sick (my current company, which has no handbook, now touts that it allows THREE sick days a year) and co-workers who usually don’t annoy me! 🙂  I want to find a way to work some sort of exercise program into my life so that I can lose the horrible 20 lbs I gained over the infertility process.  And I want to forge headlong into the adoption process so that hubby and I can hopefully be parents before we turn 50.

I’m on the cusp of living a life I want.  If my job works out, hubby and I will have options.  To live wherever we want (pretty much), even to be home with our child if that’s what we choose.  But for now I feel like I’m standing in NJ and looking at the bright lights of NYC.  Close enough to see but not close enough to touch.


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