Posted by: perchancetodream | February 26, 2009

Catching Up

I’ve written about a dozen posts in my head over the last week but frankly haven’t had time to commit them to paper.  The overwhelming amount of information I’ve been sifting through about adoption agencies in my rare free moments has rendered me completely ineffective in just about every other “free time” area of my life.

But back to that in a moment.

Yesterday I handed my remaining Repronex off to a fellow patient at my clinic.  It was a strange feeling.  I felt lighter. But sad.  I hope she has better luck with it than we did. Honestly, I didn’t think that the Repronex really helped me.  Even our smaller successes were had with Follistim.  But that pile of meds in my closet was a link to the hope of possibility that comes with trying.

I still have a bunch of Heparin if anyone is in need of any though.  Just leave a comment and I’ll put it aside for you.

What really lingers from the past few years of trying is (1) exhaustion and (2) debt.  I look at myself in the mirror and can’t believe how exhausted I look all the time.  I’m praying that in a few months, when all of the meds are truly out of my system and some of the adoption decisions are made, that some sort of rest will overtake me.  We have a get-out-debt-plan.  And it’s a workable one.  But trying to figure out adoption agency payment plans in addition is a bit of a challenge.  Yes, there are adoption grants but you can’t apply until after you’ve had the home study (which won’t happen until we’ve actually found an agency as some will only work with certain others).  There are also no-interest or low-interest adoption loans.  I’m just not sure we’d get one until we can gets some of our other debts paid off.  The frustrating thing is that we’ll be in a much better place by the end of the year.  But when you’re looking at international adoption, which can take up to 3 years, you don’t want to delay more than you have to. Particularly if you’re already into your 40’s.

In trying to choose an agency, we’re looking for one that back-ends it’s fees (i.e., you pay the bulk of it at or after referral rather than at the very beginning of the process).  That would allow us to get into the whole thing without taking on a huge amount of debt (the federal tax credit and hubby’s employer’s contribution will allow us to pay off a chunk of it but neither are applicable until after the adoption is finalized – unlike domestic adoption where you can take the credit in the year in which the payments are made).

The only plus at the moment is that we’re in agreement in our plan.  To adopt a girl from Bulgaria.  As young as possible but given the realities of the situation there, we’re expecting a 3 year-old.

When talking to my dad about all of this, I explained to him why we were looking overseas.  It honestly isn’t my first choice – I’d much prefer to adopt an infant from the US who hadn’t been put through the experience of being institutionalized.  But vainly, we do want to raise a child who bears at least a passing resemblance to us (both of us are caucaisan and have dark hair and eyes).  The thought that we could raise a child only to have the birth mother/father change their minds, terrifies me. Also, and I know that this is terribly un-PC to say…..neither of us are comfortable with open adoptions and that seems to be the way of things at the moment.  I have great respect for those of you who are going through an open adoption.  Sincerely.  But neither of us want the confusion of the birth family in the picture although, speaking for myself, if my teenaged or adult child wanted to find their birth family, I’d do everything I could to assist them.  Of the three people close to me who are adopted one has never had any interest in finding his birth parents.  The other two seem to go back and forth.  It must be a very deep-rooted and complex set of emotions.

Anyhow, I currently have a list of about eight agencies that I’m in touch with to varying degrees.  Finding out about their programs, experience, fees.  I never thought that anything would make ART look easy but getting a progesterone shot once a night and taking some Follistim seems VERY easy compared to this.

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Responses

  1. Thank you for filling us in on your plan. A little girl from Bulgaria?! That’s exciting, and specific, and did I mention exciting?

    I know this will be a long process for you. But I’m looking forward to following your journey.

  2. I think its smart of you to identify what you are comfortable with, open adoption isn’t for everyone and your honesty is refreshing. I’ve always found international adoption interesting because your child is probably over there right now waiting for you. Wow.

  3. Thank you for your kind words. Wow, you’ve got a lot going on — sounds exciting! All the best to you as you get closer to meeting the child that’s waiting for you.

  4. It sounds like you are already putting a huge amount of time into your adoption plan. I do hope you give yourself a break and some time recover when you can. I am impressed with how open you are about your rational, and I think it’s really good that you’ve thought about what will work best for you. I think a little girl from Bulgaria sounds wonderful, and I hope that you can start the formal process soon.


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