Posted by: perchancetodream | December 24, 2008

Blue Christmas

I love the holidays.  And because I’m Jewish and my husband isn’t, we get to stock up on holidays and celebrate both Chanukah and Xmas. And then there’s New Year’s.  Usually the beginning of January is a bit of a downer for me.

I’m just having trouble getting into the holiday mood this year though.  My grandmother’s passing along with concerns about finances and frustrations with my job (disorganization, scattered boss, lack of benefits) have me down.  Hubby is looking forward to an Xmas booze-fest in traditional Scottish style.  I’m not sure how much energy I can muster.  Sadness over my grandmother (who, in reality, was all about celebrations and social occasions) and the constant stress of trying to make the money last long enough, trying to hold down this job along with a very demanding freelance job (for my old company) and pick up any other work I can find while hubby is riding the roller coaster of this horrible economy is just wearing me down.  I have no energy.

Then there is the fertility stuff.  I go in on the 30th for my “killer cell” blood work.  I almost wonder why I’m going as I can only see one reasonable way to be able to afford IVIG and that’s to take my old job back.  It was actually suggested to me that I offer my old boss a trial for 3 months.  See, she’s got a mental block about having a department head who is telecommuting.  I KNOW though that I could do the job effectively from offsite (I rarely left my office when I was there and my phone rarely rung). I’ve thought about asking her to let me try it for 3 months.  Of course to do that, I’d have to quit my current job.  That doesn’t scare me but of course if the trail didn’t work, we’d be up a creek.  If hubby was working, it might be a viable option.  But as he isn’t (one of the main reasons I’d WANT to give the idea a shot) and we’re in absolutely no condition to have both of us unemployed, the idea is going to stay just that for the meantime.

At least I have some time off now.  Mr. and Mrs. Company Owner go to the Caribbean every Xmas (no comment there as I’m struggling to pay my bills and they’re telling me that my commission – above base – won’t kick in yet because sales are slumping) so we’re closed until January 2.  Yes, we have to come in for one day.  Still…that’s one work day out of 11 so I’d rather have this time than not.  Aside from a doctor’s appt (the killer cell test above) and a training session that I’m running for my old company (via cell phone and computer – who says I can’t do this job from here!), I have nothing planned.  There are things I want to do: scanning of photos, sorting of drawers, that kind of thing. But nothing big planned. Which for once, is good.  Usually I’d want a lot in the works but not this time.

Anyhow, thank you all for your comments and support in the past week.  It really does help.  I hope you all have wonderful holidays and that 2009 is an easier year for all of us!



  1. Hope that 2009 is a banner year for us all! Hang in there as best as you can.

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