Posted by: perchancetodream | November 17, 2008

Playing with Fire

CD 8

Dr. Ambitious is getting the cycle he wanted.  We still have 14 growing follicles.  Still on 5 amps of Repronex through tonight and then down to 4 tomorrow and back to the clinic on Wednesday.

I’ve thought of writing Dr. Celebrity (who is such an amazing doctor that he even answers questions from me even though I’m no longer his patient) but I know that he’d be SCREAMING not to go through with it. My old clinic won’t do an IUI cycle with over 5 follicles.

I know that the repercussions of this – OHSS (which Dr. Ambitious SWEARS we can avoid!) and high risk of multiples are serious.  More than that, if this DOES work, in all likelihood we’re going to be faced with the gut-wrenching thought of reduction.

But we have 2.5 months left on our coverage and then, aside from trying naturally with perhaps one try at using our stash of follistim, we’re done. I just can’t imagine not pulling out all the stops particularly when I have a doctor who hasn’t lost his license, telling me to do it.

in the daily life part of the blog – we’re in the midst of having our first houseguest which is fun but exhausting.

I’m also in the midst of a pretty intense bout of, on the one hand, really appreciating things about where we’re living (nothing like showing it off to get you to focus on it!) and on the other missing NYC like crazy. There are things like the Twilight opening which I’m SO wishing I was going to with PeeSticksandStones and various comments from my old boss about how much she wants me back.  I’ve gotten her to offer me a part time job from wherever I am but haven’t yet talked her into a full-time telecommuting offer an I can’t take anything less except the freelancing that I’m doing now.

I’m also in a love/hate situation with my job, which I fear is pretty much the way it’s going to be.  If the company were run like….well, a company, I think it would be fine.  The channels would be clear and I’d know how to really get things done.  As it is….a lot is done on whim, with corners being cut at every opportunity. I absolutely live and breath for the product that we put out.  But it’s hard for me to sit by and watch choices being made that aren’t furthering the music itself.  I’ve been thinking a lot lately that I’m in a similar position to someone who loves magic and gets the best magician in the world to tell them how the tricks are done.  Seeing the mess behind the curtain is frustrating and disolutioning…..and I don’t get the same high from it as I do from sitting and listening/watching the music being made.

I’ve decided that if I want to make it work, I have to really try to be an agent of change. I just have to not change myself out of a job! 🙂



  1. i hope things work out for you, i know the waiting is agonizing.

  2. The waiting is killing me so I can only imagine how you must feel.


  3. the same as you i’m sure, thanks for the hugs!

  4. Is doing timed intercourse an option? My clinic wouldn’t do IUI with the 7 follicles I had so we did TI and even though they were still worried about the risk of multiples, we got 1 sticky bean out of the 7. It would suck to waste such a good opportunity. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

  5. I’m glad the cycle is going as the doctor wants, even if it’s super-scary. We also took a risk on a really scary cycle (30 follicles still growing at trigger time) but our doctor was convinced that he could trigger early enough to have just a few mature follicles and with the absurd sample size of one I can tell you it worked for us. But scary as anything along the way.

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