Posted by: perchancetodream | September 25, 2008

Stasis

We are and have been in a holding pattern.  I found out this morning that it is going to continue for another month. The course of antibiotics we took didn’t work.  My culture is still coming back positive and so it’s on to round 2 of antibiotics, trying to get over this to actually start an iui cycle.  

The only advantages to this are that (1) I’ll have time to work in the lupron challenge test so that Dr. Ambitious isn’t just guessing at the amount of meds to give me. His idea to pump as much in me as possible was terrifying me and at least this way, we’ll have a more concrete idea of how to proceed. And (2) hubby needs to go back to the UK to see his family who he hasn’t seen in 2 years and this will give him time to do it when he doesn’t need to be here giving me shots. I would never begrudge him this but I’m freaked out about what this will cost us (as he’s still looking for work) and sad about the time apart.  As much as I’ve been in need of some time alone, 2 weeks is a bit more than I would ever choose. Particularly here where I have no social group. But mostly I’ll just miss him.

Contrary to past months where the hold up has done nothing as much as piss me off, I’m just resigned at this point. I have to believe that the holdup is happening for some good reason even if it isn’t one I recognize at the moment.

The more time that goes on, the more removed I’m feeling from the whole infertility process.  I don’t want to feel that way but at the same time I’m starting to reach out to find out more info about adoption. Only time will tell if that’s the right move for us.

Speaking of moves….I’m starting to settle into my job, finally. I have a real chair and a semi-real desk (that we need to come in and build this weekend). And I’m getting a lot more comfortable driving around here (the frequent stoplights and 35mph speed limit helps!).  

But most of life, just like the infertility treatments, is on hold while hubby tries to find a job.  It has been slower than I ever could have imagined and his boredom and frustration mirror my financial concerns as we try to wait this out……

A big sigh from here in Nashville……

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Responses

  1. I’ll send you large hugs from Chicago. Stasis sucks.

  2. Oh yuck. I get it — I’m very much removed from the whole process myself…I hate being on hold and I hope this period of stasis transforms into something new and unexpected.

    Xo

    Pam


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