Posted by: perchancetodream | August 28, 2008

How Much More?

When my last company changed insurance companies and I realized that one of the top-rated doctors in the country now took my policy AND that their office was just a short walk from mine AND Dr. Celebrity’s wonderful assistant was able to squeeze me in without the normal waiting time, I felt like this ART thing may be the right path.  Like it might have been “meant to be”.  And then we got pregnant and it was like magic while it lasted.

I’m now on the flipside of that string of seemingly positive ocurrances. Now everything is telling me that this is pointless and that certainly not what I want to hear.

I had a moment of home when Dr. Ambitious layed out his agressive plan for me and though I grit my teeth about losing a cycle while he pursued his “positive culture” theory, it seemed worth it.

But now……not so sure.

I called Dr. Ambitious’ office today and left a message for the nurse (you never actually get to speak to someone) asking what the process for next week should be as my period is meant to be starting next week.

She called, as she always does, when I was out of my office and in a meeting. Her message was that I needed to take my 14-day course of antibiotics, wait a few days and then come in to be cultured again and then wait for that to come back and IF that is negative, then we can start with the next cycle.  IN OCTOBER!

I know this would be frustrating at any age and with any income.  But at 43, I can’t help but think that I’m being led astray.  And our just under $700 COBRA payment which was still a deal compared to out-of-pocket IUIs.  But by the time we actually begin a cycle we’ll have spent $1400 on, well, 2 cultures. And some antibiotics.  And a bunch of vitamins.

I don’t know how much of a sign this all is.  But I’m starting to question our path. This just doesn’t feel right at the moment.



  1. *hugs*

    I hate it when my path feels wrong. I’ve noticed that it’s almost always when I lose faith in something working out that it does.

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