Posted by: perchancetodream | July 23, 2008

Resigned Ponderings

I have a long history of putting all my proverbial eggs in one proverbial basket and having things work out. I won’t bore you with the details but nothing has spurned me on as much as someone telling me that I can’t do something.

I may gripe about it but I always rise to a challenge.

That’s pretty much the attitude I took going into the whole infertility process. But now I’m having a problem finding that “screw you” attitude. And I’m not sure what to do about it.

I’m happy that we’re going to try a few more IUIs despite the odds being against us, despite the cost, despite the timing. I find some peace from having a plan.

But the “can’t get a break” thing is just wearing me down. In the past few days, I’ve found out:

  • I can’t pay for COBRA with a credit card and so will have to take a cash advance off a credit card. There is a fee for doing this.  Not a large fee but still.
  • My company won’t, as I’d hoped, reimburse me for not taking their insurance while I’m doing COBRA because their lawyer says that it would be partially paying for a plan that’s better than their own and better than what they’re offering their other employees and therefore opens them up to lawsuits. (I can’t even comment on the ridiculousness of this….)
  • I can’t get in for a consult until August 5th.  That means that I’ll miss starting with next cycle.  The only good thing about that is that I’ll be able to drink over my birthday on the 12th but really, I’d rather not be paying for most of a month that we won’t be cycling on. What puzzles me most about this is that the consult is meant to take 2.5 hours. What can they possibly do for so long?????

Hubby and I agreed that we’d do 6 months of COBRA before getting off this whole crazy roller coaster. I’m personally committing to 2 and then we’ll see where we are and where hubby is in his job search.  Part of me just wants to start researching and head into adoption if it looks like that’s a viable option.

On other fronts, work is going well although the powers that be don’t understand that while I’m overhauling their poorly managed website, I’m not also learning the ins and outs of the industry and thinking of strategic plans to increase customers.  Hello!! I’ve only been here for two weeks!

I do have some fun freelance work coming in though – some from my old company and some from a publisher that I worked with YEARS ago (and who actually gave me a book credit for one of the projects I worked on). All of this is good resume stuff as well as a little more money coming in.

I’m still too darned tired (and can’t figure out why) to take advantage of much here but I try to remind myself that it’s only been a few weeks and we aren’t even fully unpacked yet (although 90% of the way there!).

I need time off to sit with hubby on the deck and watch squirrels and drink wine. I need a major break. Maybe I can schedule one in for 2009…….



  1. sounds like you’re keeping busy. glad you have a plan.

    I don’t understand why the new employer can’t give the same amount as you’d be getting if you were taking their insurance. makes no sense, since they’re not providing the better coverage — they’re just contributing the exact same amount as they would if you were covered through them. COBRA is so expensive, if you have a good plan…

    hope you get a break and some down time soon.

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