Posted by: perchancetodream | July 14, 2008

Down to the Wire

Apologies for one more financially-confused post……..

My ex-employer’s health insurance expires in 17 days.

The significance of this is that my current insurance covers unlimited IUIs with only a co-pay for the meds.

My new employer’s insurance covers nothing in terms of infertility.

I can continue my current insurance through COBRA but it will cost almost seven hundred just for me (we’d cover hubby through temporary insurance until he’s working).

I just realized that if we continued COBRA, we could do an iui each month for basically $850.  Much less than the $4,000 charged by the local clinics.

I know, at almost 43, that there is no way we’re paying $4K for an iui.  That much is clear.

But that’s about the only thing that is.

In a perfect world, we’d wait until hubby has a job and then go for another round of IVF before heading into adoption.

But this isn’t a perfect world.

If I let COBRA lapse, we can’t get it back. If we’re doing any more IUIs, it will have to be through COBRA.

But how can we spend that money/incur that debt when hubby isn’t working?

I’ve thought about starting straight into adoption but everything I read makes me bleak.  We aren’t Christian and most of the successful blogs I’ve read have been through people with strong church-ties. Hubby does not want to adopt a mixed-race child. I don’t think I have the right to try to convince him otherwise. I don’t believe that we’re well-suited for taking on a disabled child from the state system. And so, adoption of a healthy Caucasian baby…….$30K is the number that gets thrown around (although there are sliding scale adoptions and tax credits and such so it could be significantly lower).

I hope that the fact that I haven’t given up wanting a biological child doesn’t make me a horrible person.  I would completely love an adopted child and an oddly high number of my closest friends are adopted. I wish we could pursue both.  I just can’t imagine how to afford both.  Or either.  Or anything.

I have enough follistim for at least 2 unmonitored cycles.  I will at least use that once hubby is working, along with timed intercourse and a lot of prayers.  But I’m not ready to believe that that’s all we have left.

My horoscope guru came up with this for tomorrow.  Yeah…I get it but easier said than done (and no surprise that the pushme-pullyu was always my favorite)!

Eddie Murphy’s Doctor Dolittle movies were made long ago. In what, by modern standards, was a bygone age and the character he played was the hero of a book. Indeed, several books. In those books was a creature who never made it into Eddie’s movie – though he did get as far as the Rex Harrison version in the 1960s. The Pushmi-pullyu, a llama with two heads, one at each end of its body. You must now be starting to feel like one of those. Pick one direction now, and stick with it.

On other fronts….the job is going well.  I’m in the midst of a frustrating project (made frustrating by an overwhelmed co-worker who left a lot of people without enough instruction) that will be fun once everything gets sorted out. I still don’t like sharing an office, having to chip in to answer phones, the difficulty in getting simple HR/IT questions answered.

I’m also trying to learn simple tasks here while my boss is asking me for high-minded strategizing.  Yeah, let me figure out how the intercom works first and I’ll get back to you.  It’s a little odd.

I’m fighting off a head-cold that is making me even more lethargic than I have been, which is saying something. I’m beginning to really the possibility of seeing friends in NY. I was lucky enough to webcam with peesticksandstones yesterday but most of my friends don’t have or don’t want webcams.  I also had a conference call with my ex-boss who is keeping me on for a project that could turn into a very long-term one (as they’re paying me my old hourly rate, I’ve NO problems doing this on a long-term basis….).

So my ties are still there.  And contrary to all of your worries (thanks for your concern!), hubby and I will be fine.  This infertility road is one he’s travelling for me though and not because he’d choose to be on it.  So he doesn’t share my depressions and is somewhat removed from the rollercoaster that I’m on. I wish it were differently.  It would be easier to be at the same place together; to share the ups and downs in a deeply-felt way.  To dream together and to grieve.  But that just doesn’t seem to be the way we’re going to go on this issue.  I have to do it alone and hope that our paths meet and that he recognizes when I need him to cross over to lend me a hand.

Someday I’ll resurface to enjoy and refocus on the rest of the world outside of infertility.  At that point our journey will have ended one way or another.  I’m just not there yet.



  1. Very interesting horoscope. Hmmmmm. Good luck figuring out which path to choose. I’m not ready to give up on having a child yet, either, but thru our journey to become foster parents, I’m learning that adopting thru the foster care system is virtually free. Of course, you’d have to be ready for that, which I’m not yet.

  2. sorry to hear your hub and you are not really on the same page. that makes going through this even harder, I’d imagine, especially in a new place. but glad you’re making it work and keeping those connections. (hi peesticks!) best of luck getting it all sorted out.

  3. I share your fear about not being religious and adopting. We haven’t decided how we’ll handle that as we are just starting, well haven’t really even started besides saving up, but I am sure that when we get to it, we’ll figure it out. I’ve read several adoption profiles that don’t mention religion at all, just mention their values. I think that’s a good suggestion.

    Sorry your husband doesn’t seem to be on the same page. I’ve felt that way at times, that mine would prefer to stop when I’m charging full speed ahead, but keep the lines open for when he is ready to talk.

    Good luck with your decisions about insurance. Sounds like COBRA might be a good way to go if you continue doing at least one more IUI.

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