Posted by: perchancetodream | June 10, 2008

Cherish the Day

CD 6

Lots of Follistim + near 100 degree temperatures + sorting out the move = a most unhappy perchancetodream.

No, I’m not really unhappy. Just busy. And tired. And sore. I know that a lot of it is from the (hopefully) large amount of follicles I’m currently growing. And a lot has to do with the fact that I can’t say no to freelance work even in the midst of trying to finish up my real job and pack and do an IVF cycle and say goodbye (again!) to the city I love….

The follistim shots have gone fine so far although they’ve definitely made me a bit fuzzy….I just heard from the clinic that they want me in tomorrow (I wasn’t meant to go in until Wednesday) due to my estogen levels (436). I DID remind them that I respond REALLY well to Follistim but did they listen to me???

Oh and it turns out that I’m not immune to chicken pox. Really? I’ve been around it a number of times but have never had it. Assumed I had the appropriate shots as a child…hmmm….if I hadn’t started this cycle, they’d want me to take the inoculation and then wait a month before starting a cycle but given the circumstances, they say to forge ahead. And avoid kids as much as possible. Sure, except for the two who will basically be living in my new office, that should be really easy…..

Anyhow, so the schedule has been accelerated. I actually really hope that things go sooner than planned because it will make the actual move smoother. Then again, I’m in no rush for the progesterone shots so……….

This basically sums up most of the things in my life right now. I’m happy to be taking on this new job but sad to be leaving everything here. I really, really, really want this IVF cycle to work and yet I’m terrified about the finances involved with having a child (or rather I’m terrified about the finances involved with my husband not working and us having a child as he’s insistent that one of us would stay home full-time.)

I’m trying very hard to Cherish the Day. The find joy in the moment and assume that something will work out because something always does. One way or another. But this is a rather alien thing for me.

I am a list maker. I keep calendars and spreadsheets. You wouldn’t know it from looking at my chaotic office but I’m really very organized – its just that no one would ever be able to walk in and find anything. I used to make 5 or 10 year plans. Then I learned that none of it actually worked out that way. What makes me successful at my job pretty much sucks in real life. Divorce, death, infertility, job loss, moving….none of that shows up in a spreadsheet.

I know that if I find myself pregnant from this cycle that the first thing I’ll do after shouting from the rooftops will be to visit my guilty page on my spreadsheet that holds our budget and see how the heck I’m going to make this one work. But at least I have that in the right order – I’ll do my shouting and celebrating first.

Speaking of celebrating….we spent our 6th anniversary at my favorite New York Restaurant working our way through the tasting menu, which as always was quite interesting (in a good way). As it was our Wood/Iron/Sugar anniversary, I gave my love a fire pit (hey, we’re going to have a backyard! At least for the next year), an iron fairy and a batch of his favorite Scottish sweet which actually came out right – and there is never any betting that it will. For my gift, he refused to give me anything with sugar as I still haven’t eaten my easter bunny (who had an even harder time with the 100 degree weather we’ve had than I have!) and went straight for iron in the form of a necklace made out of a piece of meteorite. It might sound strange but it is quite beautiful and has a wonderful weight to it. He’s very good at coming up with these ideas!

Anyhow, then the next night we went to a sake bar whose name I won’t share because it’s the kind of place that thrives on being a kind of secret.

We’re having a going away get-together next Saturday but I guess I’m on the downhill side of drinking for this cycle. But right now I’m going to enjoy this feeling of having this load of follicles growing inside me and feel grateful for this chance.

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Responses

  1. Ugh. I hate that bloated / fuzzy feeling. This cycle’s a little better for me because I’m on steroids, which seem to be countering some of the effects of the Follistim.

    Good luck with the move!! If (when!) you get pregnant, I’m sure you’ll figure out the finances.

  2. So amazed at how well you’re keeping it all together with everything going on in your life right now. I’m so glad that in the world of blogs, you can physically move if you want, but you’ll be taking us all with you. Hope you get a good report at the RE’s office!

  3. Sounds like a wonderful anniversary! Best of luck with the move and the IVF.

    (NCLM)


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