Posted by: perchancetodream | May 19, 2008

Precipice

Tomorrow is IUI #462 #7.

Although I had doubts about whether my acupuncture treatments were doing anything, my FSH this cycle was the lowest it’s been since we’ve been testing such things (6.4), with good estrogen levels and I responded very, very well to even the usual, relatively low level of Follistim that I’ve been on in previous cycles.  Yesterday’s count was in the 6-8 range of follicles, today’s measurements looked like 4, plus a number of smaller ones.

The scan yesterday was at least good enough for the fellow to tell me that if I was younger, they’d probably cancel the cycle but at 42, they want to take all the opportunities they can.  I even got the talk about the risks of twins and triplets.  When I heard that in October, I spent a certain amount of time googling the actual odds.  This time I smirked.  I know that it’s definitely possible but it’s hard, when one seems to be out of your reach to worry about multiples.

What I DID worry about though was this:  What if a miracle happens and I get pregnant.  What if it IS with multiples and I end up on some amount of concentrated bed-rest?  In my current job, I’d take my  weeks vacation, my 5 weeks sick leave and then, if needed, use some sort of short-term disability.  In my new intended job where Mr. and Mrs. Company Owners have already told me that my ending up on bed-rest would be their worst nightmare (as much as they DO support my wanting to get pregnant) what would happen?  I’ll only have 2 weeks vacation which I’d need to accrue over the course of a year.  I still have no idea what their sick-time policy is (I’ve had to ask them about so many other things, this one just slipped past) and as I won’t have been there a year and they only have six employees or something, I don’t think that there is short-term disability or FMLA.

I’m trying not to spend a lot of time worrying about this scenario because, hey, I need to get pregnant first and that hasn’t exactly been a piece of cake.  But still…..I’d at least like to have an idea of how I’d handle it.

In other news we go for our IVF course tomorrow.  I know in advance that a lot of it won’t be relevant (their billing system doesn’t need to be explained to us because we’re on the state grant, I know the process of IVF, etc….).  Aside from it being a requirement for treatment, the main thing that we want to walk away from the class with is some sort of knowledge that my husband can give me the progesterone shots without passing out.  And I wouldn’t be one to take bets on that…..

Having worked all weekend at my company’s board meeting has also left me feeling glum (I’m sure that the follistim and HCG isn’t exactly helping).  I love my job.  I love my co-workers.  I love my boss (99% of the time).  I love the fact that, after my 2.5 years here, I’m looked at as an authority on certain topics and my confidence has grown rapidly through this position.  And to be honest, I love my salary and my truly wonderful benefits.

There is a huge part of me that really just wants to stay put in the short term, get our bills paid off and follow the fertility thing through to the end (one way or another) without trying to move across country right in the middle of it.

At the same time, this is the sort of job that (crappy salary and non-existent benefits aside) comes along only once so how could I not jump at the opportunity.

Change always comes with some amount of apprehension and fear.  As least that’s what I’m chalking my current feelings up to.

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Responses

  1. Good luck with your IUI and here’s to everything working out perfectly!!

    Praying for you . . .


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