Posted by: perchancetodream | April 14, 2008

Sleepwalk

CD1

I’m in a horrible mood and I can’t really even blame it on PMS. I’m juggling 2 crises at work, neither of which are going to be resolved in an easy way and my review is tomorrow (I’m already expecting to fall on my sword and beg forgiveness for the fact that I’ve been so distracted for the past 8 months or so. Not that I haven’t had a good reason but still…..)

I’m having a hard time with the fact that I’m not going to the clinic tomorrow, not going to be starting another round of iui that could potentially change our lives. We’re taking a month’s break and while it’s a break I need and one that I asked for, a break that will allow me to go to an acupuncturist I’m excited about, go to the dentist, have a number of other things taken care of……..it’s a break and it feels like lost time.

All day, there has been a part of me that just feels like giving up. Like throwing my time and energy into figuring out where we want to move and finding a job there and then exploring adoption. That isn’t where my heart is at though. Or my head either. I’m just tired of failing, and hoping, and trying to juggle everything.

And while I’m at it….why is EVERY show I want to watch revolving about childbirth at the moment??? My Sunday night bliss of The Tudors and Law & Order all revolved around pregnancy and childbirth (wow – those 9 months went mighty fast for Anne Boleyn!) and stolen embryos (how many stolen embryo shows is L&O going to do??? This is at least the 3rd that I can think of). I know it’s just me being hyper-sensitive and I need to stop that. But really, I could use a break from the universe as well.

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Responses

  1. I firmly believe that when the time comes to stop treatment for good, you always know it. You (generic you, here) might not always want to recognize it, but you know it.

    Me, I think a month off is a great idea, not only for the reasons you talk about (btw, is acupuncture good for pinched nerves?) but to regain some energy. Infertility sucks the life out of you and you never know it until you’re completely drained.

  2. I have trouble juggling anything. Life does go on regardless. Distractions can be a good thing . At the same time, on personal level it seems like giving up . HUGS. And I’m not ready to do that.

    AND YOU myfriend are a better woman than I. TO begin with , after my miscarriage, it took me more than a year to even think about it seriously..

    Please don’t be to hard on yourself. I do understand you are feeling right now.!


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