Posted by: perchancetodream | March 18, 2008

Hunting High and Low

CD1

Okay, I admit it.  I broke down and bought A-Ha’s Hunting High and Low off iTunes today. I am, in every sense, a child of the 80’s – the decade captured high school and college for me; first loves, first heartbreaks, the creation of most of my closest friendships to this day.

And there is something comforting about hearing these songs that I know inside out and have heard so often that I could probably play the album in my head from memory.

I’m not particularly torn apart by the fact that the unmedicated cycle has ended  – I knew it was going to and was eager to get on to the next one although I could have done without the additional kick in the teeth from a lovely blue evaporatation line last night.

But I’m rather shaken from my big “regrouping” meeting with Dr. Celebrity this morning. The upshot is:

  • Even he discounts the IUIs done at my previous clinic by Dr. Perky. But he firmly believes that 4 medicated IUI cycles should be the cut-off before IVF.  That leaves us 2 more.
  • I’ve applied for the State IVF grant and now we’ll wait to see. My insurance will cover most of the meds, which is a great help and Dr. Celebrity isn’t expecting to do any type of pre-testing so I’m in praying mode that the financial total will be low enough to swing one IVF (or maybe even both of the ones that grant would cover) should we need it.
  • Surprisingly,  he said that even at 42, he wouldn’t suggest donor eggs because my FSH is relatively low (7.1), I respond really well to the meds and my MIS (to measure egg reserve) was “exceptional”.
  • He also said that my January cycle was a “textbook cycle”.  Actually I was disappointed that I think we only had two mature follicles and hey, there’s the fact that it ended in a chemical pregnancy.

It is strange to be able to see the end of the line.  I have somewhere between 2 and 4 chances to get pregnant in all of this (unless we end up doing unplanned natural cycles due to cysts again) and then, by all accounts we’re done.  I asked him if he ever has patients who go from IUI to IVF and back to IUI and he said that he very rarely ever sees that.  Whether he’d approve it or not, I have no idea.

On one hand, I’m comforted by his comments about my numbers, etc….

One the other hand, there is a line in A-Ha’s “The Blue Sky, I’m too young to take on my deepest fears.  In four months, I’ll still be too young – at least at heart – to give up my hopes of ever being a mother.

And then what?

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