Posted by: perchancetodream | February 20, 2008

Idle Hands

I’m working hard on getting comfortable with the idea of a natural (unmedicated) IUI cycle this month. I like the idea of not having to give myself shots and not having to go into the clinic all those early mornings and pay all those co-pays. I like the idea that my body is going to choose the one best egg to put forward. I actually even read an article yesterday online (that I can’t find now) about a study showing that natural IUI cycles actually have a HIGHER success rate with older women – perhaps because of the natural egg selection.

But I hate the idea of putting all the burden of my hopes and dreams on that one egg alone. And I hate that I don’t feel that I’m actively doing anything to help this cycle along.

So tonight, cysts or no cysts, I’m going to start going back to the gym, even if all I’m doing is walking on the treadmill. And tomorrow I’m going back to acupuncture and will take the herbals as there is now no stimming medication it can conflict with. And hopefully I won’t even be going into a huge financial hole for it because it should even out with the co-pays and medication that I would have had.

I’m hoping that the gym, along with the lack of follistim exhaustion will make me more productive at home too. Lately, it’s been “go home, do one semi-productive thing, make dinner, eat dinner, watch tv, fall asleep on the couch.” If I’m lucky I can make it up to walk the dog with hubby in the evening.

I have a list of projects: closets to be cleaned out, generations (literally) of photos to be scanned in. My new Ipod Touch (a ridiculously extravagant Valentine’s Day present from my sweetie) has prompted me to reload my cds onto Itunes since my first 4GB mini wouldn’t hold everything so I didn’t see the point in having it all on my computer. That’s one task almost done.

I need to quell the voice in my head that has so recently become aware that we may not actually have a child at the end of this. I’m quite a while away from knowing how to deal with or accept those feelings but I guess it’s a possible reality and I have to start preparing myself for it.

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