Posted by: perchancetodream | December 27, 2007

A post About Nothing.

What do you write about in an infertility blog when you’re…..well, doing nothing.

We’re in a holding pattern. Still bleeding a bit from the D&C, still bloating from…well, not sure. I wasn’t having so many pregnancy symptoms anyhow so I can’t even say whether they’re gone or not. Oh and I’m sick. sigh……

That all being said, I probably sound glummer than I am. Christmas was lovely and filled with lots of champagne and great presents. It was just the two of us and the animals and it was really nice. (I am, of course, blacking that bit about how we went to the pub for a nightcap and a very pregnant women sat down with the couple next to us and started talking about baby names for about an hour).

We held off making NYEve plans until we got back from California and could assess the pregnancy. In a last minute rush, I managed to get a reservation at my very, very favorite New York restaurant. Go figure. Then we’ll head off to listen to some music and I’ve already started to pray that we can somehow find seats in the very small pub that is bound to be packed to the rafters. I’ve given up praying that any of my dressy clothes will actually fit this year but who knows.

Work is busy but not busy enough to really keep my mind focused and this headcold is making that impossible anyhow. I find that the scales have tipped slightly and I’m no longer as depressed about losing this pregnancy as I am frustrated by this indeterminate wait. Or rather….losing the pregnancy will always be a part of me now. But we’re hoping, praying and (in my husband’s case) assuming that we’ll get pregnant again and so we’re trying to fill this time with the things we couldn’t otherwise do (i.e., trying to get to our fav. B&B where the main activities are hiking, drinking wine and sitting in hot tubs – nothing I was in any shape to do before).

But otherwise, I find that I’m courting quiet. Quiet music, favorite books, soft nests of blankets. I’m fortunate to be able to do this at work too as my office is generally dark with just a desk lamp and I can close the door and play Arvo Parte or Requiem (No comments about all the church music when I work for a Jewish organization, it just happens that way!) or this pseudo oriental music/bird song that my old acupuncturist in England used to play.

So see, this is a post about nothing really….just about letting time pass slowly and cleaning things out to make way for the new year.

Note to Oro: Your comments about having to recover from a D&C in a maternity ward brought chills up my back.  That’s horrible.

Ellen: Thanks so much for your comments.  There are so many blogs out there that I’ve received information and insight from and if I can given even a little of that back than this is worth it.

Thanks again to everyone for their wishes of goodwill and support.  This truly is a community of amazing women….

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Responses

  1. Quiet is good. Quiet lets you just be, no expectations, no hopes, no fears, just be.

    I’m glad January 2nd is coming up fast.

  2. Wishing you a wonderful new year

  3. Quiet is a good way to be. I hope you have a wonderful new year!


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