Posted by: perchancetodream | November 28, 2007

Little Bits of Information

Because I have no patience, because I never thought I’d get this far only to find that it is all in jeopardy, and because I really don’t understand how two doctors can see the same thing 3 days apart and have such drastically different reactions, I called one of the two wonderful IUI nurses at my center yesterday.  Both women are straight-shooters to the point of being blunt but they’re both patient advocates and very supportive.

I explained the situation and she said “yes, I’m looking at the notes and I can see why you’re confused.” She then gave me the measurements that I was too shocked to ask the doctor for on Monday.  Those were: Sac 9.2, yolk 3.6.

She said that if it were her, she’d come in today (Wednesday) for another scan but honestly, I just don’t have the heart for it.  Next week will be hard enough.  She said that she would print my report off and take it directly to my doctor and have him call me (his amazingly efficient assistant was out).

About 10 minutes later he did call and while he didn’t necessarily give me more hope, I felt better informed.  He virtually apologized for being “so” gloom-and-doom and said that while he didn’t want us to give up hope he also really hoped and expected to see a heartbeat at that point (join the club!).

He said that the sac size was right on target (do I see the only doctor who doesn’t give measurements in weeks and days?) but that the sac was the least representative measurement.  He said the the yolk sac size was fine but when pressed said that he hadn’t seen a fetal pole either.

I explained that so many people have been telling me that it’s just too early to toss the towel in and while I understood where he was coming from, I’m not yet ready to give up all hope. I guess my current thoughts are that we’ll go in Monday and we’ll either be deliriously happy to see a pole and heartbeat or we’ll be devastated.  If there IS a pole and everything else is growing, I’m definitely going for a second opinion.  If there is no growth and no pole then I supposed I’ll have to face the inevitable.

In college I had a cut-out on my wall that said “Anything done for the first time, unleashes a demon” (if anyone has ever read the comic book series “Cerebus” it was a cover from that). I’ve been thinking of that a lot lately. This first pregnancy has brought joy to it that is different from the joy that subsequent pregnancies might bring. If this one doesn’t work I’m going to be constantly watching over my shoulder for complications….whereas this one seemed to be created by magic.

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Responses

  1. Ah, okay, that’s better….I mean, as better as it can be.

    I’ll keep everything crossed for you for Monday!

  2. Argggh… it’s so eerie reading about something so close to home right now! My heart was just leaping out my chest as I recognized so much of what you described.

    I’m impressed by how proactive you’re being to get answers (I’m a total wimp about that), and hope there’s some good news soon. Oddly, even getting bad news myself, I’m way more at peace now than I’ve been in weeks after all this crazy business.

    Give me a holler at peesticksandstones at gmail dot com and we can talk docs! And hang in there… I know this time is total hell. But you are definitely not alone!


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