All The News That’s Fit to Read
While we seem to have reached a type of truce with our SW…only time will tell.
In the meantime, two things caught my eye this afternoon.
The first is that Holt International has stopped accepting new applications for their Bulgarian program. Holt was one of the three agencies we’d considered but the most restrictive of the three.
One of their waiting families posted a note today that they received from Holt:
First, in case you haven’t already noticed from the website we are no longer accepting new families into the Bulgaria at this time. I wanted families currently in the program to be aware of this. The reason is not anything new to you. As you all know Holt re-opened the Bulgaria Program and there have been uncertainties from the beginning. Because we’re still unclear as to time frames and ages of children, and we’ve been told it will be 18-24 months from the time the dossier arrives to Bulgaria to the time of referral, we are feeling like it would be good to get a better sense of how realistic these time frames are before bringing any more families into the process. We also would like to get a better sense of the profile of child and just how young children will be referred.….Even though we aren’t certain how young children will be available in Bulgaria , we do know the children will be at the youngest 3 years. ”
This actually contradicts other information I’ve heard and read and I’m sure the adoption forums will be all abuzz and I wait to hear what they say. That 18-24 month time-frame is consistent with what I’ve heard. The age, however, isn’t. As we’re looking to adopt a 3 year-old, I’m not yet overly concerned but it does bear watching….
The other, more or less unrelated post comes from nashvillist:
Nashville is 11th among America’s Bargain Cities, according to Forbes. We were ranked on four criteria – Cost of living, housing opportunity, unemployment rate and average salary. The good news is that we were 6th out of 50 in both cost of living and housing opportunity, and the bad news is that we were 49th out of 50 in average salary rankings.
Yup – that sums up nashville. Although honestly….cost of living (food, tax) is HIGH. There is a lot of housing but in our area, the median house price is $436K. It’s only the really downtrodden areas that are balancing this out for these ratings.
House of Cards
Not in all the time we were trying to get pregnant did I have a panic attack; not when I miscarried, not when Dr. Ambitious prescribed wild amounts of meds; never. I’m thankfully not prone to them anyhow, preferring to attack a problem and find a way to solve it rather than let it incapacitate me.
Yesterday though, I was blind-sided.
I’ve been on the fence about how to think about the home study. Is it, as hubby thinks, a process of us hiring someone to get all the facts sorted and together and pretty much a “done deal”? Or, as I’d been thinking, is it a team effort to get the most accurate picture of who we are and navigate the bureaucratic necessities together?
Now I’m wondering if it isn’t us facing an adversary and trying to prove our worth.
There are issues that I’ve run by our placing agency (who in turn ran them by their lawyers in Bulgaria) that shouldn’t be a problem. In fact, neither the placing agency nor the Bulgarian Ministry of Justice, considers them issues. We’ve both been married before and hubby has a 10 year-old DUI on his otherwise squeaky clean record. I’ve seen adoptions go through to people who have been incarcerated; people who have been in long-term psychological care; people who are living just above the poverty line.
But for some reason our Social Worker is stressed out about all of this. Hubby surmises, and I’m inclined to agree, that it’s because we’ll mean more work for her than the usual homestudy. That hubby is a UK citizen and I’ve lived in 6 states since turning 18 creates a veritable mountain of paperwork. Honestly, if we could do all of this without her, we’d get it done in half the time.
She’s been asking us for a lot of stuff that we’ve already given her. Both hubby and I, organized sorts that we are – are bugged by this. If we’ve gone through the hassle of compiling info for you, you should go through the hassle of looking in your files for it.
Also, what forms and information are available in the US don’t always match up with what is available in the UK. People here have a sense of entitlement – I’m asking for something from a government office and I should damn well get it – than people in the UK. Just because WE need it doesn’t mean that THEY’LL provide it. And SW doesn’t want to hear that.
She called yesterday saying that she thought that some of my emails had been defensive. That she didn’t want to get 3/4 of the way through our study and then deny us. WHAT? There are no reasons for hubby and I not to be approved. Except that she doesn’t want to put this much work in. She offered us a refund if we wanted to go with another agency.
And honestly, I can’t say that I haven’t considered it. But here in our little area of the South, it’s hard to find a SW who isn’t connected to a heavily-Christian agency. And that won’t work for us. We need to plow ahead and how that SW gets over her own personal issues and does her job. But it’s scary. For the first time, I’m worried about this working out. I was prepared for the wait, the money, the paperwork and the catch-up that we’ll need to do with a child who has spent years in an orphanage. I wasn’t prepared for this.
Thursdays
The more their is to write about the less time I have to write. Things work that way.
In the past 2 weeks, I’ve made two trips to NYC. The first as my “you’re done with IF treatments, you’re out of your frustrating job” celebration and the second for work. Both reminded me of how very much I love the city. If I could move our beautiful neighborhood into NYC, I’d be thrilled beyond belief. But obviously that isn’t going to happen. Sigh.
Anyhow….for those who asked….our beautiful Ollie had surgery this week. It’s so frustrating to keep seeing bits of him cut out. There are smarter dogs out there and dogs who listen more but he’s the sweetest animal I’ve ever come across and he doesn’t deserve this. Hopefully the lab will say that the lump was nothing or…the it was something but that they got it all. We just have to wait and see. In the meantime, he’s being a trooper about it all.
Those who know me in real life know that I’ve often had a lot of milestones happen on Thursdays. I was born on one. Hubby and I met on one. We got married on one. Our one “working” IUI was on one. And yesterday the first social worker (SW) visit for our international adoption home study was on one.
I had no real idea of what to expect. SW and I had corresponded by email but in person she definitely wasn’t what I pictured in my head. Not that that’s bad. I’m just saying….
We discussed a lot of basics about adoption. About us. About the copious amounts of paperwork that we need to fill out.
Our first packet of forms includes:
- An application
- A financial overview form
- Medical history forms for both of us
- Instructions for getting our FBI fingerprints
- A Disclosure forms
- Personal History forms (where you have to talk about your childhood, your expectations, etc….)
- Information on reference letters (from each family and 3 friends)
- and info on criminal background checks which for me means getting info from each of the six states I’ve lived in since turning 18.
I’m pretty good at paperwork and bureaucratic bull. I did the paperwork for both of out immigrations so I’m up for this. If you can be up for such a thing.
Emotionally, the meeting took a lot out of me. When SW first talked about “bringing your child home” I had tears in my eyes. Hubby made a good point that we never really believed (however much we hoped) that IF treatments would work. But this is a surer thing so it feels more real in many ways.
We talked about how I felt about ending the IF treatments. And about whether we’d accept referral of a sibling group (we’re still working this one out). By the time we got home, I was in need of a stiff drink. Having to watch everything I’m saying takes a lot out of me! 
There are more meetings to come – both individually and together. I completely understand the need for the study but you know, I could happily do without it and it’s just the beginning…..
Still it feels good to be taking this step. It felt to me that we were very united in it something that was harder to feel with IF treatments as I was the one at the clinic in the mornings and I was the one getting the shots, etc…… This is more something that we’re doing together.
On a totally different topic, NEXT Thursday I meeting with someone to develop hubby’s anniversary gift. It’s a shame that I can’t talk about it now because I’m sure it’s going to be a very bloggable experience but I don’t want to ruin the surprise.
Fridays may be the start of the weekend but really, I’m liking Thursdays these days….
The Other Shoe
Last Friday was my last day at the crazy job. I flew off to NYC for exactly the kind of weekend I wanted – frenetic, fun, relaxing, crazy. I heard music, saw friends (seeing PeeSticksandStones in all of her pregnant glory was a trip), had a pedicure, ate tons of Chinese food, did a bit of shopping. It was restorative.
Then I came back and spent most of my last few days of vacation trying to turn my home office into a work office. Not easy. Space considerations mean that I can’t use my home computer and so had to somehow adapt my required and not-as-high-spec-as-I’d-like laptop to do double duty. I still haven’t learned to use the home phones I bought. And I’m working hard to learn the new Nokia that I treated myself to in NYC (the phone I’d been using, which I love, is 5 years old. Current SIM cards won’t even work in it. Enough said).
I also worked in a few hours as a spa, a major concert, and some good food. And today I started work back for my old company.
If I read down the tick list of the things I have in my life (hubby, friends, family, health, job security, flexibilty, etc….) all is well.
We’ve been splurging a bit now that hubby is gainfully employed and I’m back to my old salary and have ordered a “real” grill (not that I get it – a $10 grill and a bag of charcoal always made me happy but what do I know?). There are quite a few work things I need (lap top bag, headset for my phones), etc…and the call of sushi is always wispering in my ear.But we’ll buckle down.
Our first meeting with the social worker for our home study is next week and I’m excited (to be starting the process) and scared (of the paperwork and the complications of hubby being a UK citizen) of finally getting going.
The universe just can’t let me be though. I woke up in one of those fogs last night – the ones that sometimes bring me true insights and direction. And what came to me was “You’re spending all this money on a grill, why not pop $150 or so on another IUI and see what happens?”
But that isn’t the voice I want to hear. I don’t think that Dr. Ambitious’ idea of “more is better” is the way that my eggs work. And even if I can talk him into doing a follistim cycle and only going for a few really good eggs…..I don’t know if I want to put my body through anymore. Repronex seems to have done a number on me in many ways.
Then again, I can’t fathom the thought of throwing out the follistim in my fridge. I WILL use it. So why not just go with a doctor who makes sure all the swimmers get in the right place? Sigh….I don’t know. I have a few months to think about it but….I want that door closed. The thing is, I’m not sure if it currently is.
I’ve also just made a doctor’s appointment for our wonderful sweet dog. He’s just 5 and the most gentle animal you’ll ever meet. Even for a Golden Retreiver. But he’s purebread and came with some of the worst of his breed’s tendencies, healthwise. At the age of 2 he was diagnosed with mass tumors. We had 2 taken out of him. He’s been fine for the last 3 years. A few weeks ago, he had what looked like an inflamed bite. It’s still there. I’m pretty sure that the cancer is back even though I’m praying that I’m wrong. He’s really too special to have to keep going through this. It isn’t fair.
Life is always a balance, I guess, of good and bad. Sometimes the swinging disorients me though. Can’t it stop for just one minute?
