PerchanceToDream

10 dpiui

Sorry for being out of touch for so long, particularly during NCLM but thanks for all of the comments from new readers!

This past week has been a whirlwind.  One of those storms that stirs up the ground and leaves things in unfamiliar places.  The air feels fresher but different.  Things aren’t necessarily where you left them.

This past weekend we visited Nashville.  I signed a contract for my new job.  We signed a lease for an apartment. None of those were easy.

Hubby and I were at each other’s throats the whole trip. Mr. Company Owner was hours late to our planned meeting (apparently typical). Mrs. Company Owner, who had her children after 40 compliments of clomid, invited us to their daughter’s birthday party of the 4th of July should we already be there (um…..well sure, if this IUI turns out to be successful or next month’s IVF does than yes, I’d love to come.  If they fail, well the idea of spending a day with giddy children and cake sounds like my idea of hell.)

We rented a beautiful place that was very close to being double the amount we’d budgeted for rent and that is, in fact more than we’re paying in NY for less space.  But what space it has is beautiful – a HUGE backyard and deck, a fireplace, a new lovely clean kitchen with cabinets that aren’t falling down and I didn’t see a single roach the whole time we were there.  We have bird feeders and even one for squirrels.  I know that you in the midwest are probably laughing but I’d imagine that those from cities are sighing just about now as we did when we saw it (although that being said, the space is so different from our current place that I’ve no idea if any of our furniture will fit in an appropriate way – what the heck do you put into a 7ft bay window anyhow????).  The kicker was basically that no one would take our large, friendly golder retriever.  Note to anyone renting our their house/apartments: a dog’s size is not representative of the damage they might do.  Our 70lb golden will be nicer to your floors and lawn than a hyperactive peakaneese.  Just saying….

Today I had to give notice to my wonderful boss ON THE PHONE.  She’s dealing with a health crises and isn’t in the office.  Thankfully she was supportive and wonderful which only served to make me feel guiltier…..

I know this is all, ultimately, happy stuff.  But my heart is always in New York and I’m leaving behind a job I love, coworkers who have become family, friends that already are and an affinity for the city that keeps drawing me back.  Thankfully I think there might be some business trips that bring me back here.

And of course my IVF clinic. I’m currently at 10dpiui, hating the fact that I’m on progesterone and therefore can’t judge any symptoms on their own merit. Also, this is the first time I’ve ever used Ovidrel instead of pure HCG and my clinic gives double-doses (10,000) for some reason so I’ve no idea when it will really be out of my system.

If this cycle fails, we’re on to IVF #1 next month in the midst of moving.  If I manage to get pregnant it will definitely refute any stress/infertility connection.  At least for me.

I’m thinking ahead but trying not to.  Thinking about what to do if the IVF fails as the grant we’re covered under is good for a year but I would need to be seen at my NYC clinic. Thinking about the processes of adoption.

There is a lot to “wait and see” about.  That isn’t my strongest suit.  But I think I need to learn it soon. No one can ever say that my life is boring…..