The Two Week Plus One Day Wait
Since beginning the assisted-reproduction thing in ernest, I’ve been reading blogs. A LOT of blogs. Some I follow on a more-than-daily basis; some I check in on occasionally. One thing I’m struck by though, are the similarities in the way we all deal with things.
Regardless of whether the writer has had a child already, what type of ART they’re going through, any ancillary male factors or syndromes, the two week wait pretty much always includes the following thoughts:
- With these symptoms I MUST be pregnant
- With the symptoms I CAN’T be pregnant
- Why aren’t I having any/more symptoms?
- I should POAS
- It’s too early to POAS
- I’ll POAS with the knowledge that the result doesn’t really mean anything since it’s so early
- If I do/don’t do_______(fill in the blank) then I know that this cycle will work
- If I do/don’t do _______ (fill in the blank) then I know that this cycle won’t work
My husband thinks that this is just me even though I don’t tell him half the thoughts I have on the subject. He is very much a “wait and see what happens – no sense getting yourself worked up” kind of guy. I wish I could get him to read everyone else’s blogs so that he’d known that in this, I’m absolutely, completely normal.
That being said, here at 6dpiui, I had a compulsive urge to POAS. And having one such stick in my office drawer and having never seen a positive test and with the knowledge that the trigger (which I’ve never had before) is still in my system, I used it.
And it was positive. And while it was nice to see that my body can produce a positive test (even though I know it’s artificial), it was also a bit of a bummer. I was hoping it was negative so that I could harbor the thought that the symptoms I’ve been having might just possibly foreshadow something wonderful. Instead of being one more product of the HCG shot.
And so I’m back to waiting. And it will probably be a slightly longer than usual wait. My husband has a very important ceremony the night of the day I’m meant to go for a beta at 14dpiui and I’ve yet to have AF begin before 16dIUI. I know that if I go and it’s negative, I’m going to be too down to fully support him. And if it’s positive, I’m going to be too distracted. So last night when he asked when I’m meant to go back to the doctor, I said “on the 9th (15dpiui)” without thinking. But it felt right. Even though I don’t want to wait….
In the Two Week Wait and…
there is not much to write about. 4 days in and 10 to go.
After our first IUI, I had horrible cramps for the first 8 days and then nothing. After our 2nd IUI I really felt fine all the way through. And both of those failed. This IUI I pretty much feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach. Waves of cramps that somehow feel “deeper” than AF cramps.
That could be down to the HCG (which I hadn’t taken before) or the fact that I had a ton of follicles or…..
I’m trying to be pragmatic about this cycle. Not getting my hopes up too high, sorting out the next IUI cycle which will be our last (probably) before IVF – although as our insurance will cover IUIs indefinitely, I’m not sure that it will be our last forever.
I recently read the blog of a woman who got pregnant on the 20th iui. She was in the same boat – her insurance covered IUI and not IVF. My husband says that he doesn’t see the point – that he thinks it’s crazy to go through it so many times. But I disagree. I don’t know that I’d make that choice myself at my age (42) but if the opportunity is there why not take it? Unless someone tells me that my eggs aren’t viable and that there is no reason why I haven’t ever been pregnant than I’m keeping an open mind about future steps.
But in the meantime, I’ll wait 10 days and see what happens.
Edit: I just had to burst out laughing. There is an astrologer in the UK I follow with bemused interest. His forecast for today could not be more true to my character. Now I wonder, just how do I go about doing this?
Easy going, that’s you. Laissez-faire. That’s your policy. Why, the only reason they ever created the flow was so that you could go with it. And with that flow, you go. Always. You make quite sure of that. You don’t give that flow a chance to escape. You keep a close eye on it. You make sure that you know where it is at all times and you train it to learn how to do as it is told. Er… hang on, that can’t be right. Resist, this week, the urge to push something that is already moving naturally in the right direction.
Again, to Drift*
IUI #3 is now history. It’s funny how these things go – there is the huge build-up before and then…you wait. And try not to notice every twinge and judge it against every twinge you were trying not to notice last time. And then lo and behold you’re either pregnant. Or not.
This was our first IUI at the new clinic. My first with an HCG shot. The best sperm we’ve had for a procedure to date. And on, as I’ve mentioned, the anniversary of the date that we met. And there’s that “third time is a charm” thing.
It is easy to become superstitious when the universe throws you unexplained infertility. I’m one of those people who doesn’t deal well with “unexplained” because I’ve always been able to get to the bottom of something. It’s humbling to have to surrender in this way; to wait and see what happens.
I’d kicked around the idea of doing a pregnancy test every day to see the HCG leave my system and then, hopefully see the lines come back. But I don’t want to see those lines fade and I’ve seen enough negative tests to last me for a while.
I’ve also kicked around the idea of really, honestly, truly not testing until day 14 and then going into the clinic for a blood test. I’ve never done that (the old clinic said to do it at home first) but the wait for the phone call must be excruciating.
I don’t know if I’ll hold out that long but I do know that I’m nervous about testing and getting a false positive from the HCG and getting my hopes up. So I guess I’ll just bide my time and see how I feel in 13 days….
*Today’s title borrowed from Black Tape for a Blue Girl
IUI Eve
“Hope is the thing with feathers
that perches in the soul.”
- Emily Dickenson
Apparently my follicles liked the Sinead O’Connor concert that we went to last night because they behaved just as hoped and, having received my HCG shot, we’re a go for an IUI tomorrow.
Even though I thought it would be cool to conceive on Halloween, tomorrow holds even more significance as it is 6 years to the day that my husband and I met. The circumstances of our meeting sound unbelievable on paper particularly given that it was just post 9/11 and I was determined to stay at a certain hotel and re-adjusted my trip accordingly to book into it. Also, we were both visiting a country that neither of us was living in. And the hotel strongly dissuaded me from going to the bar (yes, okay we met in a bar but we were both there to listen to music so that had to decrease the cliche factor, right?) that we met in.
So even though our new super clinic has the man come in at 8 to produce his part of the process and I won’t be in until afternoon (which I hate because I’d like us to at least be in the same building when we’re trying to conceive a child!), tomorrow seems a fitting day for this procedure.
Hope perches on many things….
Be Careful What You Wish For
Follistim obviously works for me.
However I currently have 8 nice sized follicles, which is too many for an IUI cycle. My day 6 estradiol was 855 which is seriously high. So I’m on a low dose of follistim tonight – presumably to convince the bigger follicles to keep growing while hoping that the smaller ones back off and go away.
U/S and bloods for the 3rd day in a row tomorrow. All I want at this point is to sleep in until at least 7am. Oh yeah…and a baby 
